No Regret if Choices are Not Intrinsically Right or Wrong

Much has been published recently that challenges the way in which we view regret. Having devoured and pondered over this topic, I offer my thoughts.

Challenging Traditional Views

There are a number of entrenched elements of conventional wisdom that deserve to be challenged when considering regret.

Intrinsically Right and Wrong Choices

There is a belief that, when we have a choice to make, there is only one correct decision.  Nothing substantiates this presumption. On the contrary, it is what we do with our choice that will determine whether it turns out to be right for us.

Different factors will over time also impact on the suitability of choices. On this basis, people whose marriages break down after 30 years may consider their marriage a failure and harbour regrets, or they may conclude that the choice that worked for a long time is no longer suitable. The latter response is not framed in terms of mistake and regrets, because who knows whether other choices would have proved to be as acceptable for so long.

Take Great Care to Avoid Making a Mistake

The perception of right and wrong choices leads to further flawed thinking. It is generally considered prudent to take great care in making decisions and choices, because if we don’t we will make a mistake. There is no evidence to substantiate this pearl of wisdom. What can be established is that apart from the obvious considerations, prolonged agonising over a choice does not necessarily result in a choice that proves to be more satisfactory in the long run.

Paralysing Perfectionism

Wanting to make absolutely sure that we do not regret making the wrong decision, can also lead to a paralysing perfectionism which results in no decisions being made.

But Choices Can Prove to be Disastrous

If a choice we make turns out to be one that does not work for us, we can (as I’ve noted above) declare our choice a mistake and regret not choosing otherwise. Alternatively, we can focus on what it was that didn’t make it right. This exercise may even reveal to us that some decisions should not be made in a clinically rational manner, but rather on more subjective factors. This may reveal that we should trust gut instinct much more than we do.

Summing Up

What I take away from all this is that:

Regret flows from conventional wisdom suggesting —
1. That there are intrinsically right and wrong choices (after logical comparisons), and
2. That because of this belief, we should be more careful in our choices as this increases our chances of making the right choice.

Illusion of Control

Being convinced that it is within our control to make choices that will always prove right, we regret making choices that do not, at some stage, prove to be right.

On the other hand, we can accept that it can never be guaranteed that a choice will prove to be what we want and need. In doing so we will be more likely to not see a choice that is no longer working, as an opportunity to see what it was that stopped it being right, or as a recognition that our needs or circumstances have changed.